Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !! - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...

The Summer Projects season was an eagerly awaited time during our engineering course. This was the time for us all to travel Northwards from Gods Own Country to hitherto unexplored lands for 2 months of Industrial Training
And after 2 hot summer months of various (mis) adventures, July was the time to get together and swap all those stories. Tall tales of lands so hot in summer that comparatively boiler rooms seems air-conditioned; places where rum is cheaper than water and places without either water or rum!! (Ok , its just Chennai, Goa and Bhavnagar (in Gujarat) if you are curious)
And there we used to swap stories of faux pas with one particular foreign language- Hindi! A language of such complexity that many could not master it even 7 years of learning it in School and College. Well, ok as many will admit; learning is one thing; speaking was quite a different ballgame altogether. Only when you actually try do you realize the gaps in your Rashtrabhaasha Adhhyaapan. Coz I'm not talking about any semi-educated country bumpkins here.On the other hand these are guys who would derive a 4 page long engineering equations in seconds; and were acknowleged best of brains studying at a highly sought after engg college.But still there were enough issues with Hindi that you could write a Harry-Potter-size-Best-Seller on " What they did not teach you at Harvard Primary School".
Anyway, narrating a few of those Hindi Horror stories with all apologies to the Original Protagonists…………
The first one happens on a rainy morning where three of our heroes are doing their project in an Andheri office. One of them " Satish" walks in when the other 2 guy stop behind at the Pan / bidi shop for a smoke.
The cute receptionist smiles at him as he comes in dripping wet with a wet folded umbrella and asks "Hi ! Baarish hai kyaa?"
Our man thinks there is a major identity crisis here!! . So he states proudly " Nahi, nahi mein Satish hoon !!!"
The cute receptionist stifles a cute giggle and clarifies " Meine poocha ki BAAHAR Baarish hai kya???"
Some long forgotten chapter of a Standard 5 Hindi text book flashes in the guy’s head and remembers that baahar means outside. " Oh, ok ok baahar… Baahar Anish aur Harish hai…Smoking Cigarette !!!!!"
Well, the poor guy became the butt of many jokes later that even if a faux pas happened to anyone else; it used to get published on his name. Like the one about the time when he was at a New Mumbai station waiting for the train. Neither him nor his pal had a watch and the platform clock was not working either . A rather plumpish lady was the only person nearby and they noticed she had a watch.
"Go ask her the time" The friend tells our man. " In Hindi??" Our man is understandably a bit scared. "Yeah , its simple. Just ask Kitne baje huvey" .The friend is confident though he doesn’t volunteer himself. The lady is now warily looking at the two "dangerous looking" guys as she saw them pointing at her and whispering something. She clutches her handbag instinctively.
Our man approaches; points at her watch (or well, say somewhere around where her watch is at that moment) and asks "Excuse me; Kitne Bacchhey huvey??? !!!!"
Well, there are conflicting reports about what happened afterwards so I cant tell for sure. Am not sure about injuries or casualties but one thing I know is that both the guys had a quantum leap in their vocabulary of Hindi swear words overnight!……
Much of the essential Hindi conversation was necessitated at various shops when buying those bare essentials for your stay in the foreign land. I do not really recall where the following incident took place or even IF it took place; but if you are not a stickler for such trivia, just read on…..
Two weary souls were returning back to the hostel on a hot summer day in this North Indian town (For us, North India means any place north of Calicut anyway). Anyway there was this juice/ milkshake shop that looked inviting. They decided to have a Banana Milk Shake each from the menu displayed. This is how the conversation went…
Our Hero : " Bhaisaab, Do Banana"
Shopkeeper : " Kyaa banaana?"
Our Hero repeats : "I mean bhaisaab, do banana"
Shopkeeper : " Wohi bhai, Kyaa banaaoon aapke liye?" (He looks at him as if he has gone bananas himself)
The two heroes look at each other in utter confusion. It dawns that banana does mean something else in Hindi but the knowledge as such is not enough for resolving the situation. Also neither knows if there is a Hindi word for Banana. No Hindi teacher in school had prepared them for such a situation in Hindi-land. The hassled shopkeeper does not look like one to mess with. Finally our hero decided to take no more chances " Bhaisaab, Do Banana banana !!!"
Another guy once went for food at a little Udupi restaurant. He wanted to ask the waiter for some warm water as he had a heavy cold. Only, he kind of mixed up the temperature settings assigned by the inventors of Hindi to various words. So he asked" Boss, thanda paani denaa". He realized the faux pas when the waiter placed a glass of sub zero chilled water. Though he racked his brains for the Hindi word for "warm" at that desperate moment ; those little gray cells did not throw up any answers. Only option was to leverage his knowledge of thermodynamics " Boss, Paani Room Temperature mein laana" !!!!
There is another story titled "Soda Kiskaa hai? Coz that is what another hero asked a shopkeeper. No problems with that , except that he was the one (the only one) who just had a soda when everyone else had softdrinks "Aap ne hi tho piya thaa" said the shopkeeper. Ok ok but "Soda Kiskaa hai?" he persisted. The friends reminded him again that it was he who had the soda. He clarified indignantly "I was asking the price, Soda kiskaa hai?"!!!
From that time on "Soda Kiskaa hai?" became his officially designated signature line.
And also classic status has been attained by the transcript of his conversation with a policeman at the Karwar checkpost (Goa-Karnataka border) where he was caught with 3 litres of wine in his bag. Well, I was in the bus too this time J
Police: Yeh , teen litre kaa wine hai
Our man: Nahi, nahi.. yeh teen litre kaa wine hai !!!
Policeman is dumbfounded by the logic …but persists
Police: Yeh 3 litre kaa wine hai. Iskaa duty denaa padegaa
Our man: Hum Students hai, duty nahi karte hain (!!)
Police: Woh nahi , iska tax..maane payment - duty denaa padegaa
Our man: Hum Goa gaye. Dukanom se poocha!! Dukan ne kahaa wine ka no duty hai (they have speaking shops thereabouts?)
Police: Aap 3 litre le ke aarahe hai. Sab milake Rs...(He quotes a figure) as duty
Our man: Hum students hai. Students gareeeeeeb hai. Students ko Concession milnaa chahiye ! Well, meanwhile I was praying that my own bags does not get checked too much and hence I didn’t stick around to hear the entire story. However as the story became famous he acquired the nickname "Gareeeeeeebu" and when anyone in college went bankrupt; he used to be called Gareeeb!
And there was one who went to buy a rope for tying a clothesline at a multi purpose store and asks. " Ek Rassi milegaa?". The shopkeeper replies. "Lassi nahi hain, Chhaas chalegaa?" Our man assumes it is some rope-substitute and okays it. After two minutes the guy comes from inside with a chilled glass of Buttermilk and offers it. Our man understands it as a nice North Indian Complimentary Welcome Drink Custom and glugs it down in a jiffy. He notices that the shopkeeper now regains his position at the counter and does not make any effort to look for any rope. He asked again and accompanied it with frantic actions of tying a clothesline; starting with hammering nails on a wall. The shopkeeper looks like he understands. " Acchaa, keela bhi chahiye aapko?? To cut a long story short; it is said that when the satisfied customer returned home it was with one packet of nails, a hammer and of course a bellyful of not-complimentary-chhaas !!
To drift a bit from the topic ; and to even things out a bit..here's the story of a Northie down South and a canteen waiter in a Trichur College. Ok don’t be shocked or offended; well the canteen menu had beef. ( Unfortunately its quite a common food item around those parts. Veggies, Please don’t hold it against me). Anyway there was this Northie student who was served this weird looking item along with regular meals. Well, FYI Keralites don’t generally acknowledge that there exists are a species called vegetarians. The student suspiciously asked the waiter what was on the side plate. The waiter replied all so indulgently "Beef!! And to his absolute shock, he added "Its compulsory here!!!" The student stormed out of the canteen and filed a complaint with the dean of the institute against the canteen. There was an enquiry and the culprit was questioned. The poor man confessed. " I only meant that he did not have to pay extra for it" Someone got it finally "You should’ve said complimentary, not compulsory !!"
Neway let me get back to the topic at hand.I’ll be accused of being politically incorrect if I don’t include some stories of those from the distaff side. Well, there weren’t too many girls in our course. But the few who were there did contribute generously to the kitty of Hindi horror stories. Like the one who went shopping at Fashion street, Mumbai and bargained hard. "Yeh top kitne kaa hain?" She asked " Dhedh sau rupaye (Rs150/-)" says the shop keeper. "Bahut costly hain! Two hundred hain tho mein letaa hoon". What a win-win situation for both the parties!! Quite understandably the shopkeeper agreed to the bargain rather quickly. It was only when she triumphantly described to people about how she got a 250 bucks top for 200 was the entire story revealed…and obviously caused a booming industry of such stories with her as the protagonist.
Like the time she warned a roadside bag seller when no amount of bargaining could get him to lower the prices." Hum, Panjim jaa kar another bag bechenge !!!I don’t know if threat of competition was something the bagseller accounted for, coz he gave in finally !! Anyway, the best story about her is an unconfirmed story of an Auto Driver who dared to overcharge her. He had asked for 40 bucks for the short trip to the hostel from the railway station. And she had never paid more than 30 before. So she bargained hard " Thees se kam, hum kabhi nahin dete !!!"The confused Auto driver gave the balance accordingly and was reparing to drive off. And she informed the onlookers dramatically " Main loot gayi….. Is ne mujhe loot diya !!!" (Well, the driver still claims to be innocent of such a malicious charge)

****************************************************************************************
(Disclaimer: All people in these stories are still living somewhere in this world and all resemblance to any particular real life individuals or incidents is purely intentional.A couple of times i have relied on my creative instincts to embellish the “faded in memory parts” of a couple of stories)****************************************************************************************
Plz do leave a line on the comments column if u liked this piece or maybe even an anecdote if u have one to narrate yourself .on language fiascos..

8 comments:

Nishad Paul said...

I concur with with what Sooraj's comments on another of your blogs..:)

Ammo said...

Man, some blog...Esp the Hindi and the Quiz posts...Just too good...I got this link via the comments of another friends blog...BTW, since I hail from Mbai and an MBA wannabe, may I know from which Insitute did you pursue your MBA from? Had no work since morning in office, so some entertainment i had reading through your blog...Awaiting more posts based on real life incidents...Is your Pinnacle Saporiti set sold yet ;) ...

Take care, cheers...
~Ammo.

flaashgordon said...

Thnks Ammo!

btw my more freq updated blog is linked here. U'd find more posts there...Do comment there

Was readin thru ur blog too; will comment soon
And my Pinnacle saporiti has been sold 3 years back; sorry!

Cheers
flaash

flaashgordon said...

Moving 83 comments from my o3 blog

# re: Rukavat ke Liye raved (i mean khed) hai !! - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
Pankaj
hi...this is the first blog i read and i must admit that u made me laugh liek anything. i was just transferred back to our CUSAT days...language can sometimes really create good situations
Posted @ 9/18/2006 8:24 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye raved (i mean khed) hai !! - S
chacko
lol.... nice post :)

adipoli :D

:)
Posted @ 7/17/2006 2:28 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye raved (i mean khed) hai !! - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
mathew
christ..ur blog is such fun..thanx silverine for giving me the link to ur blog!!!
Posted @ 7/6/2006 10:40 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye raved (i mean khed) hai !! - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
Mathew
Got the link to this blog from silverine...
Christ..I just couldnt help myself laughing out in a supposedly ettiquette conscious office..kidu post!!
Posted @ 7/5/2006 8:13 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye raved (i mean khed) hai !! - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
flaash
@ Nikhil Narayanan - Thanxx pal...well its my frnds mentioned in the post who were the real thaarams !!
@ addi - Thanxx addi !!sorry for the late reply.didnt chk it as i had put up other posts afterwards.btw the "kiss dedoon?" was too good!

@Leon : thnx a lot for visiting pal!

Posted @ 1/29/2006 8:41 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye raved (i mean khed) hai !! - S
Nikhil Narayanan
U r a Thaaram!!!!
Posted @ 1/28/2006 3:04 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye raved (i mean khed) hai !! - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
addi
this was damn funny i know it happens all the time..

look at this ...a hindi-ignorant man transferred to mumbai.his wife's friend stayed in that city so she calls up this mans wife..but he picks up the receiver and she says hello etc etc in hindi..this man asks that friend " kiss de doon " instead of kisse phone doon? ;) imagine that lady's shock! lol

and i heard this joke . a madrasi man wants to watch the hindi movie " the heart is an umbrella " . he meant dil chaata(chahta) hai!
lol :)
Posted @ 8/25/2005 10:31 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye raved (i mean khed) hai !! - S
Jiby
Nothing new from you for a long time???
Posted @ 8/22/2005 8:27 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye raved (i mean khed) hai !! - S
Leon

Hey.. This hindi fiasco post was ROFTL stuff. My Hindi is miserable too and I can totally relate with these incidents.. :-)
Posted @ 8/21/2005 11:49 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye raved (i mean khed) hai !! - S
flaash
Matterofchoice!

Hi man..thnx for dropping in!And thnx for the compliemnts
Ahha, I'd say any drink -absolutely any drink was better thn tht Vanilla coke! Was an awful one. Despite all the Wakau !
Like that New Coke fiasco in the 80 's this too did not take off obviously. I'd prefer a soda lime anyday too :-))
cheers
Flaash
Posted @ 8/21/2005 12:58 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye raved (i mean khed) hai !! - S
matterofchoice
hey dude...long time since i visited the blog world...hilarious post..a similar northie in mallu land escapade happened to my friend when he was interning with an MNC cola company. he went to the distributor trying to get the distributor to buy more of the vanilla flavor (oops the company's name is now out) drink they had just launched. after one hour of hard core sales talk he thought he was succeding. then the distributor asked him whether he wanted any refreshments. My friend eagerly said yes only to see the attendor bring a fresh soda lime :)).
Posted @ 8/17/2005 6:29 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye raved (i mean khed) hai !! - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
flaash
Hi Big CC

Remembered one more incident. We guys went to a stn in Goa to find if hthere were any trains to Doodhsagar falls. They said all trains have been cancelled due to rains

We were walking back when this pal of mine stopped and went back to the counter to ask "Wahan KAB pahunchenge!"

We asked him y he did tht as the counterwallah had just said there are no trains at all. My frnd innocently replied " I was asking if there are any other means of going there !!!"

Someone solved the mystery "It had to be kaise not "kab" !!!!"

cheers
flaash
Posted @ 8/15/2005 8:22 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye raved (i mean khed) hai !! - S
flaash
Hahaha NISHMRS

Believe me , the bachelor part beats me but chronic is subject to periodic reassessment ;-))
Neway thnks a lot for coming over here. And thnx for the comment. Keep visiting.And I know wher to go to when the ad bug bites me again
Cheers
flaash
Posted @ 8/13/2005 10:08 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye raved (i mean khed) hai !! - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
NISHMRS
Hey, I enjoyed glancing through your writing, as much as I enjoy striking a conversation with you! Wondering how you still manage to stay a chronic bachelor! All the best!
Posted @ 8/12/2005 11:35 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye raved (i mean khed) hai !! - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
thebigcc
That sure was made of roflmao sutff. Now leme add wot happened to a bunch of my pals at pune station somw time ago.
Three guys freshly arrived from Keral, waiting for a train to mumbai. And a train arrives on a distant platform and they have no clue where it is bound. So the 'bravest' among them venture forth to a bystander and asks "yeh kiska gaadi hain"? He gets a surprised "Kya? in response! He goes again "woh kisska gaadi hain"? The man is speechless, and my friend now desperate, adds "aapko hindi nahin maloom?
Got more real life incidents, laters...
Posted @ 8/5/2005 4:35 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye raved (i mean khed) hai !! - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
flaash
taira'comment:(u put it below the previous post): i thought it was rukawat ke liea raved he.....looks like it.........
cheers

@ taira...i have modified the title as a tribute to you !!!
cheers
flaash

Posted @ 8/1/2005 8:38 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !! - Soda kiskkaa hai
TotalMoksh
wow, absolutely hilarious and so nicely written without grudges etc.

though me facing things like this in south india and now in us, but it is real nice post :)


Posted @ 7/31/2005 1:15 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !! - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
flaash
Ark: thnxx a lot first of all.Do keep visiting But i dont think u can generalize on all mallus have alike attributes i guess.Many of my stories are faked stories born out of someone's imagination and just randomly assigned to someone in college. Even if there is not a trace of truth; bcoz they're so funny they keep getting passed wordo'mouth.

Language bloopers can happen to anyone; have a big collection of such anecdotes involving english and some of my northie MBA pals too ;-))
On some other post maybe...
Posted @ 7/28/2005 8:09 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !! - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
ark
flash,
got this site from a colleague and ever since reading it regularly. Since I lived in B'lore for several years, I can perfectly feel at home with your postings.
This one is a crown..........I have had the privilege(:-)) of having some mallu company and can see that all you wrote must have happened somewhere really:-)
Though after reading your postings, listening to few mallus, I started wondering most of them talk/write/say/feel/tell/has style alike!!!
Posted @ 7/27/2005 7:11 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !! - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
ark
flash,
got this site from a colleague and ever since reading it regularly. Since I lived in B'lore for several years, I can perfectly feel at home with your postings.
This one is a crown..........I have had the privilege(:-)) of having some mallu company and can see that all you wrote must have happened somewhere really:-)
Though after reading your postings, listening to few mallus, I started wondering most of them talk/write/say/feel/tell/has style alike!!!
Posted @ 7/27/2005 7:11 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !! - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
flaash
Pramod: Thnxx pal.Do write in those language bloopers. Ever ready to hear more

Prabirda: Thanx a lot for ur comments. Was a really genuine compliment from the veteran blogger

Spark: Read my own haircut experience on a previous post titled with wot the barber asked me about the hairstyle" You want ur backside square of graduation??!!Thnxx ..

xxx: thnx mate...do keep visiting over here



Posted @ 7/27/2005 5:21 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
xxx-Yeeem Yeeem Yeeess
this was too funny dude !!! keep it up
Posted @ 7/27/2005 10:00 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai - Soda kiskkaa hai an
spark
:-), I remember when I was in chennai, my barber was didn't understood hindi or english and I didn't tamil...and he was just asking me which hairstyle do ya want..and i tried explaining him that i don't know tamil...but he kept on asking so i just gave him answer in yes and no arbitrarily..and yo he gave me such an hairstyle that I had to almost shave my head..:-)
Posted @ 7/27/2005 9:39 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
prabir ghose
nice, interesting blog loaded with tongue in cheek humour that is missing from our lives. we are getting accustomed to loud mouthed johnny lever type humour and remember the phrase - 'tickle me, tickle me, helluva joke'.

Posted @ 7/27/2005 9:32 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
rpramod
Flash : I am at work reading ur post and i am struggling to control laughter. This was hilarious dude. there are many Language bloopers that i can think about, maybe will write abt some when i get more time.

Anda very well written post dude!!! Keep em coming!!!!
Posted @ 7/27/2005 8:43 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai - Soda kiskkaa hai an
flaash
Shiva : Thanks pal. Hope u dd ur exams fine

Anson: thnxx for appreciating and qualifying the shit. As for the joke book; when flaashgordon needs a joke book....he writes one !!Dead serious about this one.

Btw note the name of my blog..Its "Temporary Suspension of Disbelief" Now go figure :-)

Cheers



Posted @ 7/25/2005 10:45 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai - Soda kiskkaa hai an
anson
Good shit... can I know where u bought the joke book from though.... u serious about this stuff...
Posted @ 7/25/2005 6:16 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai - Soda kiskkaa hai an
shiva
Hi Flaash,
Hd got stuck with my exams..
Read your blog today & hd gr8 time reading & remembering similar incidents that happened with few of my cousins had..... Gr8 one ...
Posted @ 7/25/2005 5:57 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
flaash
GDFO/Big B

i'd clarified on the Banana story in the comments section; as my reply to Naresh ...(read below) Had told Kacchra the banana joke one day; and the next thing i know its assigned to me ; wtf ?!

Neway i said one and only of those stories is mine; well it's the rassi-lassi story..well (psst) only first part happened really!! Dont remember telling this story to anyone tho'.. u might remmber the room temp story happnd to my frnd Sunil?

btw duggy-diggy-doggy all sounds same after a few drinks. hehehe Wouldve liked to write about Dumbo's shaadi kaa card and Haaatheeeeee !! :-)))

u and ngk plan n come over in aug maan...we can relive those days


cheers
flaash
Posted @ 7/25/2005 1:49 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai - Soda kiskkaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
getdfunkout
Hey FLaash,

Gr8 one....

BTW... How many of them r u`rz??? The banana one definitely is....

We got kacchra to evidence the same.... Which other 1 is u`rz??

Reminiscing those booze sessions... remember sum1 once said... "Tumlog jaao... main duggy ko leke aata hoon".... :D
Posted @ 7/25/2005 12:36 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai - Soda kiskaa hai and other Hindi horror stories ...
Ramya
no, i aint a mallu... kind of half mal... so to say a palakkad bram !! so the confusion continues.
Posted @ 7/22/2005 6:02 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai - Soda kiskaa hai and other Hindi horror stories !
flaash
Hi ALL

Let me attempt replying individually to all ur comments...

amar : Thnxx pal ! like dedh sau etc the other issue is with time...paune do , paune chaar

Chandler: GIRENGA, GIRENGA, GIRENGA: lol!! Osama's ilk would have a good idea of things to be done. In Bangalore everything is in morbid terms;go straight take left at the Dead end (?) ; go right- reach another dead end; take a left. Btw ther ws this tam frnd of mine who had to find Senapati Bapat Marg; he went around asking Yeh Senapati Chaupat marg kidhar hai? :-))
lol.........

breakonthrough: Even me n my maid speaks in sign language. At the end of the month; she asks "paisa???"thts universally understood tho

parvathy:thnxx, but y were u trying not to laugh??And all the while i was trying to make people laugh !! ;-))

techj: tht ball scratch story was damn funny !!btw nodi means sweep??i can use the term n surprise my own maid !


sapphire :mind sharing those similar horror stories wrt to my experiments with kanadda n malayalam ??

taira: hav heard tht one :-)))


Uptown Girl:my dear frnds in mumbai published that banana story everywher in college with me as protagonist !!!:-(((

alkesh
too good :thnx pal

Elegantdignity Thank you for making MY day. btw intrstng name ;-)

Psychedelia :thank u maashe !keep visiting


Archie :Sorry for the wait; pal. My office expects me to WORK for my salary. How unfair!!Was thinking i'll marry a rich software babe and retire to just write blogs all day. She might take me along abroad on long term projects too. Any takers out ther??

Manoj Panikkar :Dont allow non mallus to make fun of us. This is our privilege !!
Rai-bahadur's wife's bottom was too funny

Prash : tht was funny pal!thnx for comin over

Kuldeep : Deep bow; thnxx pal!

Samy :thnx ma'am. !Nice one abt cartoons

Unknown Great : Dont worry; no mall gal will undrstand "ati kya " tho all will undrstand ati sundar

Poornima : U sure YOU gonna teach her hindi. y dont u leave it to someone who knows it :-))

gladiatrix :thnxx ma'am.even i'd like to write for a living but i dont think it'll pay for my champagne lifestyle(?). Well, actually i do keep thinking of doing many things for a living but most are illegal.
Ur tailgating frnd Simi seems very friendly. Tell me more about her at my id (flaashgordon@gmail.com);-)) hehehe

chweety, xxx: thnx a lot! my hindi used to be horrible too. But it has come a long way frm the time i first landed at Kurla Terminus in Mumbai 5 years ago. Necessity !!


dabbu :Thnxx man. Do share more of such stories pal. hw bout all us koramangala guys meeting up once again?

Loki: I dont remembr any mishaps here man.Have i told u any??Wot news frm NY?? Any funny stories?

Ramya: thnx a lot. thot powai bus wala and kidhar-o gaya ones could b undrstood only by mallus. u one?

Amita: thnxx a lot.thnx for comin over


Whew !!I'm thru replyin to comments... btw my mail id flaashgordon@gmail.com. Its got too much GB of empty space right now :-))

cheers
flaas
Posted @ 7/22/2005 8:48 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiskaa hai and other stories
Loki
hey Dude,

i think u forgot to add a few of your own mishaps.... want me to remind u of them?!!! ;) LOL

anyways, a good post... seems the standup comedian is going to have quite a competition once he is back home...

Cheers,
Posted @ 7/20/2005 7:13 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiskaa hai and other stories
amita
Just too Gud :) ...

Posted @ 7/20/2005 5:50 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiskaa hai and other stories
ramya

hi flaash,

have been regularly reading your posts since a friend fwded me the 'suitable bride BPO' some time ago... and i have been having a great time since !!

your powai bus wala and kidhar-o gaya ones were really top class.
Posted @ 7/20/2005 3:46 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiskaa hai and other stories
flaash
Hi Again

(wowie !450 odd hits already; im feeling like JK Rowling)

Once again a big thanxx to all ! Will try replying to each by evening..Ok in the interim here are a couple of conversation snippets; prob easier to get the humor if u r mallu.......

...............................................
To a bus conductor: Yeh bus, powaii jaa-vu-vo??
...............................................
Q: Yeh sridhar kidhar gaya??

Mallu Guy: Woh?? Woh tho kidhar-o gaya !!!
...............................................

Cheers
flaash


Posted @ 7/20/2005 11:21 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiskaa hai and other stories
dabbu
Hey Flaashy,
A fantastic post, so well expressed. Me too have faced similar experience during All India tour during our college days. Ur post just took me to my grand old days, just laughing at every things in college.

Infact, its so lenghty that i read in parts starting from yesterday till now....... was worth it............:)

Posted @ 7/20/2005 11:17 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiskaa hai and other stories
xxx-Sleeping with the enemy
this was amazing dude. my hindi sucks big time
Posted @ 7/20/2005 10:33 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiskaa hai and other stories
R
Hey flaash that was really something most of us could relate with...absolutely hilarious!! And so were all the comments ...Keep them coming :))
Posted @ 7/19/2005 9:48 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiskaa hai and other stories
chweety
lol ...flaash !! good one dude....me done many blunders like that myself...my hindi sucks toh i can understand hindi properly n all...the only time i speak in hindi..is to the auto drivers here !!!
Posted @ 7/19/2005 8:11 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiskaa hai and other stories
gladiatrix
LOL Flaash,
Such a delightful read!!You should write humour for a living buddy.
having studied in a catholic christian convent school run by Mallu nuns(carmelite sisters)I can relate very well to what you have written:D,we were even taught tamil and hindi by our sisters(not to under estimate their linguistic abilities,they were most versatile!!) and we all learnt to say "Eh"at the end of a sentence,in moral science class Miss.Baby Kuriakose taught us about Noah's ark(Noah pronounced as NO-WAY),i came home to tell the story about No-way and the tale is still a laughbuster in family gatherings-man,they made my childhood most memorable,i love them!!!
This is yet another story along simi-lar lines,my friend simi and i were entering a building which had a coded entry,now there was an american who was following us into the door and simi held the door for him to pass as he came behind us,the man said with a smile "i'm tailgating",simi smiled ever so sweetly and said "i am simi".tTill date when i call simi i dont say "hello" i say "i am tailgating".

Keep writing flaash,as always i love to read your posts.





Posted @ 7/19/2005 6:43 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiskaa hai and other stories
Poornima
Still laughing inside my head over certain of those written there...

I better teach my sister Hindi before she ventures from the confines of a stretched and broken Pondicherry!
Posted @ 7/19/2005 6:26 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiskaa hai and other stories
Chandler
Samy
It was me. I owe my existence here(on O3) to Flaash as his post "Serpent at 99" was what brought me to the world of blgging.

Speaking of Rajiv Gandhi, his pet sentence was "Hume dekhna hai, hum dekh rahe hai, hum dekhenge" Didn't leave any variant of the word Dekhna !!!
Posted @ 7/19/2005 6:10 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Unknown Great
No i was scared to hell thinkin if a malli gal thot i was makin advances-askin sumthin lik "ati kya??"

Posted @ 7/19/2005 5:15 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Samy
Flaash
ROFL...remembered Rajiv gandhi and his 'banana hai'...lol...u have taken the mallu ribbing in yr stride ..good for u!!btw..someone remembered u in comments on my latest post!

Posted @ 7/19/2005 5:11 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Kuldeep
TOO GOOD.
This is one of the best blogs i've read.

Posted @ 7/19/2005 4:29 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Prash
There was this Mallu lecturer at our engg college who used to say, "Such a mistake!! It is shame on part of you and part of me!"
Posted @ 7/19/2005 4:11 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Manoj Panikkar
Oye .... I am a true blue Mallu, but i could not stop a sputter as i read the posts in my office.

But, talk about a real life incidents. This time concerning a Vilayat educated Rai Bahadur during the World War I, in India. The occassion was an evening Ball organized by our well respected Rai-bahadur in the capital in the honour of the Visiting King and the Governor. His speech went thus "Honorable ...blah blah blah...........i thank you all for gracing this occassion from the bottom of my heart.....and from my wife's bottom too!!"


Talk about misplaced modifiers taught in our Grammar class!!! lol lol


Posted @ 7/19/2005 3:45 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Archie
Hi Flash...hilarious post. Was really worth the wait...
Posted @ 7/19/2005 3:45 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Psychedelia
U have an excellent style of narration... Kollam!


Posted @ 7/19/2005 3:40 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Elegantdignity
This is fantastic. I really laughed hard and long for a long time. Thank you for making my day.
Posted @ 7/19/2005 3:37 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai an
alkesh
too good :)) :))
Posted @ 7/19/2005 3:34 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Uptown Girl
Very cool...I liked the banana part the best!
Posted @ 7/19/2005 3:14 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
taira
here's one from me...might have heard of it before too---

A "Mallu" female (from the heart of Kerala) went for a job interview for the post of SECRETARY. When the manager saw the Mallu's colorful attire, gold jewellery and her well oiled uncombed jet black hair, his
mind was screaming "NOT THIS WOMAN."
Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu. So he told her "If You could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK."
The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said : "I hear the phone GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW......BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiyoo, Wrong number ........Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok?
Thank you."

The Manager fainted..................

Posted @ 7/19/2005 2:35 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
sapphire
have similar horror stories wrt to my experiments with kanadda n malayalam
Posted @ 7/19/2005 2:34 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
techj
flash i have to sey this

this is abt a pal..he is a bengali who is in bangalore...he has this problem of scratching his balls every now and then....

once...which talking to the maid....he was giving her directions of where to sweep and this like tat....

he keeps seying "aunty..alli...nodi.."
"antuy..illi nodi.."

once, it so happened tat..while he was scratchiing his balls...he was told her "anuty...illli nodi"..the mail was looking at his balls....

we were are ROFL at tat time....
Posted @ 7/19/2005 2:21 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
parvathy
hi flash,
it was hilarious. was trying hard not to laugh :))
Posted @ 7/19/2005 1:57 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
breakonthrough
haha, ho ho!
very funny Flash! reminds me of my stay in B'lore and many encounters with the non-hindi speaking kannads and mallus. I remember that this maid in the house next door talked only in sign language to us.. another ballgame altogether! :-)
Posted @ 7/19/2005 1:43 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Chandler
Hey flaash,
Nice post after long time. Thoroughly enjoyed.
I have one to share.... this is how my Nagpurians fellows (and people in Maharahtra in general) will give directions to reach a destination :
Aap kahan ho...... achcha wahan se ek kilometer aage aayenge to ek circle GIRENGA, udhar se left maarege to thodi door jaaake RBI GIRENGA, wahan se thoda aur aage jaayenge to flyover GIRENGA, uske neeche se cross karke righ marenge to thoda aage loha pul GIRENGA, usse aur aage jayenge to teen kilometer ke baad Gitanjali Theatre GIRENGA, uske baad lal darwaja GIRENGA, phir police station GIRENGA, phir vidhan bhawan GIRENGA, phir CM bunglow GIRENGA............

gosh...........by the time you reach the destination, you have destroyed all the landmarks in the city.

lol.........

Posted @ 7/19/2005 1:37 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
amar
excellent. dedhso , dhaiso is usual mistake many ppl make...
very nice narration
Posted @ 7/19/2005 12:45 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
flaash
Hi All

Thnxx for the gr88 response...got upto 200 hits within 18 odd hours i guess !!!!!

Ok now to reply to each of the comments ..

techj: Thnxx a lot! Had to get back to humor..;-)) Btw Mallus do get the hang of any language pretty quick if they have to use it.The accent might remain but they do speak and understand it For eg: just go any place in India; interior Karnataka; they'll b speakin Kannada wth ease, Maharashtra- some hotel owner mallu will handle marathi aaraam se..Telugu?No pbm! Hindi , Tamil etc are neway default..Mallus in Assam etc speak North Eastern languages fluently..Got a aunt in italy who speaks fluent italian after just 5 years odd..And of course so many of the gulf mallus speak Arabic! but whn anywhere out for the first time these are the gaffes tht happen :-))

Guess: Sure will try to keep these comin

Sunny: Thnxx a lot, as u said mals make gr88 pals ;-)

Chhaaya: So how was ur stay at Koonlaad?

Silverine: Thnx alot for the publicty ..Ur gag ws damny funny too(tho' i got it wrong initially ;-) and u had to explain to me

Take no logic, neo, Prasad, jay, shalz,saini,ganesh : Thnxx a lot guys. !!(Deep bow !)

Jiby: First thing i dd on my hindi in Mumbai ws try remove most of trace of accent; and then fit words to it. People do acknowledge it nowadays that they cant figure out tht im from the south at least frm my hindi(apart from those clsoe frnds who dont ever want to admit it)But those days ; as u said they used to make fun a lot. Stayin with Northies ws difficult tht way(one time i had 2 punjabi roomies)I just took it was the revenge of those hapless northies in my engg class in kochi who couldnt follow 99% of the class convrsations

Naresh:Guess ive told u guys many of these stories during some of those booze sessions. Bad thing ws the banana joke got assigned to me and went around the insti whn in mumbai!
Well, one confession, yes i was the protagonist in one of those tales but not the banana one. Guess which one ..But only first half of it other half ws my own creativity..

Orion: Thnxx a lot man. And the part abt ur frnd was funnier..but as a clarification Southies esp mallus do pick up hindi or any other tongue as i mentioned above. Well, tho' ask a Hindi walla to pick up a South Indian lang; then watch the fun !!

Unknown gr8:Thnxx a lot!Aap ne Ati sundar bol diyaa. btw wot dd u mean what do a mallu make of it??Mebbe u dunno tht malayalam has such strong ties with Sanskrit; prob even stronger roots thn Hindi that no mal has any pbm with most of the sanskrit based words in any indian language :-))


Posted @ 7/19/2005 11:08 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
G.Saini
Hi Dude ;-)

Its a rib tickling story for me... really enjoyed. I too had encounter with these kind of people in past, they were not southies but from northeast.

keep it up...LOL :-)
Posted @ 7/19/2005 9:45 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Downtoearth
Flaash...Too hilarious...:-))

Well I face problem with local language here...n special;ly with numbers...:-)
Just recentely I went to buy something..n he quoted a price which I could not understand...but I wanted that thing in Rs 40/-
so I kept on saying Bhaiya sahi Price lagou...not understanding what price he was quoting...:-))
Poor guy he packed that..n I was still repeating sahi price lagou...n he said 'something wich meaned Rs. 35/- n I still could not understand..n i was gonna say no i will give u only Rs. 40/-....:-)) But thanks god he said madam thirty five se kam nahi karouga...n I felt soo good finally I could understnad what he was saying....:-))
Posted @ 7/19/2005 8:55 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Orion
A southie friend: Whats wrong in the story...everything seems alright!!!
Posted @ 7/19/2005 6:13 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Orion
Made me laugh. I wonder if southies will ever learn hindi. I guess they dont need to....
Posted @ 7/19/2005 6:11 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai an
shalz
rofl,flaash, this was soooo funny:))))
Posted @ 7/19/2005 4:38 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
jay
v nice
Posted @ 7/19/2005 3:24 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai an
Jiby
flaash, this wuz awesome aliya...i laughed and laughed so much...the first thing i had to learn in the US wuz hindi as 75% of the indians i met here were from the north and later when we became friends they wud force me to talk only in hindi and wud make me a laughing stock and i wud sulk for days on end. unless more north indians come to kerala and speak hindi i dont see a mallu ever feeling the need to master the language!
Posted @ 7/19/2005 1:57 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
ganesh
Nice and hilarious post....
Posted @ 7/19/2005 1:05 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Unknown Great
Ati-sundar...
Wat wud a mallu make of it???
Dont take it as an offence but...LOL
Posted @ 7/19/2005 12:12 AM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai an
I Take No Logic
Liked your post... and also seem to recollect a lot of such language bloopers, but am not able to complete the picture in any of the cases... :(

Anyways... you could do away with so much of a time gap between posts... !
Posted @ 7/18/2005 9:04 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai an
Naresh

Pretty good. Though I suspect that at least one of the "real-life individuals" would be yourself.
Which reminds me...

Why did the mallu cross the road?
Zimblly
Why did he cross it again?
Jushtt (spoken with a shrug)

Posted @ 7/18/2005 6:38 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Prasad
hey flash.....2 gud man.....hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....me in splits here.... :-))
Posted @ 7/18/2005 5:42 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Downtoearth
Hii Flaash...
Will read tomorrow n comment....will read with time in hand...
Thanks for ur comment...:-)
Posted @ 7/18/2005 5:30 PM
# re:
silverine
This is howlarious! Had me guffawing in the office.LOL
I had a mallu techie friend who went to Delhi on a Customer Support assignment ( so the story goes) When he entered the clients office the client greeted him in Hindi and asked him politely to take a seat. The conversation went thus:
Client: Thashreef Rakhiye.
Mallu: (hesitates and remains standing)
Client: Arrey bhai, thashreef rakhiye!
Mallu: Sir thashreef mein ek foda hai! :))

This post was too good. Keep 'en laugh riots rolling Flaash!! lol


Posted @ 7/18/2005 4:52 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai an
neO
flaash

Gr8 post man.....had me laughing for long time :-D
Absolutely hilarious!

Posted @ 7/18/2005 3:36 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Sunny
Techie...Yup, they r like dat wonly, na!...But they make zimbly gr8 palz too, IMO!!
Posted @ 7/18/2005 3:33 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
tECHJ
sunshine

wow...nice....
mallus are like this only....

they will sey zimblyyyyyyyy anything
Posted @ 7/18/2005 3:30 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
Sunny
Flaash...ROFL!...Hilarious post!...Remembered a Yem Bee Yae cum techie Mallu pal who was howlarious!...'Please dont talk in frond of my back!' was a gem from dis gerrl, as was the one about her Ungle and Aundy in the Gelf having sent her a Pendium, that had cost 'em plendy of monney!...She now werrks for Hexaweyar in ur garden cidy! ;-p
Posted @ 7/18/2005 3:20 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
tECHJ
okies

this is one my xperience

once while walking thru a lane near forum...a chap..came to me..

chap "sir..apko hindi malpm?"
me "nahi"
Posted @ 7/18/2005 3:13 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
chhaaya
Hey This was also too good as always!!

But these language problems at times get scary. I was in Bangkok begining of the month for work. You don't come across many who people can speak or read English in Bangkok. I wanted to get back to my hotel called Conrad. It was turning dark, I could not find a single person who could read 'Conrad' on the hotel Taxi card and they could not understand my pronunciation either. I paid 3 times more finally to a cabbie and realised later that it is pronounced as 'Koonllad'.

But Bangkok was 10 times more easier to survive as compared to Kerala in terms of the communication problems.
Posted @ 7/18/2005 3:02 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai an
guess
Hey flaash!
absolutely hilarious post!

i have heard many hindi related comedy from my cousins! feeling "native sick" reading your post!!

keep them coming buddy!! :)
Posted @ 7/18/2005 2:54 PM
# re: Rukavat ke Liye khed hai !!- Soda kiska hai and other stories
tECHJ
flash

aliya...rofl.....
tooo good.

PS: mallus never get the hang of hindi

atleast the normal mallus...

they always sey.."mera nahyam".....

PS:
The cute receptionist smiles at him as he comes in dripping wet with a wet folded umbrella and asks "Hi ! Baarish hai kyaaaa??"


Our man thinks there is a major identity crisis here!! . So he states proudly " Nahi, nahi mein Satish hoon !!!"


The cute receptionist stifles a cute giggle and clarifies " Meine poocha ki BAAHAR Baarish hai kya???"


Some long forgotten chapter of a Standard 5 Hindi text book flashes in the guy’s head and remembers that baahar means outside. " Oh, ok ok baahar… Baahar Anish aur Harish hai…Smoking Cigarette !!!!!"

ROCKING dude...

Ashish said...

Good one :)

-the "Northie"

DD said...

First time here...awesome stuff :)
This was a howlarious post!

Jayesch said...

It was fun reading this article and it stays alive even after 2 years. A friend of mine read it once and then described an incident from it. I did a brief google search and landed on this one as a first link. I remembered parts from story he described so I thought of using "barish hain north indian nahi harish hain" as keywords and got it in first short.

Well I have an incident to describe of my own. I did my schooling from vernacular school in Maharashtra. No matter how better I get with language I still commit one or other horrible mistakes of using a word where it is not intended. It was my first year in master's studies and I was looking for on campus work. I went to the dorms and asked a lady if she can offer me a job as a house keeper guy. We started talking about job profile etc. I asked, can we work if the "inmates" are in their room. To which she politely replied we do not have inmates here we have tenants instead. :-) I quickly realized my use of wrong word. Yeah but we went on with conversation.

Anoop said...

Nice post. First time visitor... but yeap I am a Southie who spent half his life in Noth and then went for engineering in south.. some of the bloopers I have made in malayalam are quite unmentionable!!!