Monday, May 01, 2006

"Weight"er Rants

Time stands still………every moment that I am with you !
Time stands still …………when I look into your dark brown eyes !
……….And time definitely stands still ......when I’m on the damn treadmill trying to shed those extra pounds !!!
The indicator shows that I’ve been running for 2 min 45 secs before i look away ; after an eternity of huffing and puffing I look at it again .....and still it only shows 2 min 49 secs! Would you believe it ?
I’ve been at this for a few days now ! Ok, there’s a wedding* around the corner ;-) and I’m supposed to look my best ; which unfortunately spells THIN !!
So every morning; at the break of dawn (ok make it the break of dawn in….say Europe ;-)) coz its usually 9:00 am by the time I wake ) I haul myself to the gym and try the torturous work-out routine. (It helps that I’ve an afternoon shift at work)
The first day I went, I discovered that the gym was on the second floor. I climbed up all the way (huff-puff) ; and decided that it was enough for the day and went home!!!After about a month; once again ego been hurt from the weight barbs I went for my second day of gymming. Been trying to be regular since that……………
I get down from the tread mill and decide to do a few ab crunches…I think to myself that that I’ve to do at least 100 crunches a day to regain those flat abs "slightly" rounded off by beer through all these years..
So I start at it gritting my teeth .. Nnnggggggffffhhh. up ; hold! whooooosh; huffff Slam down! Again nggggggffffhhh up!! Schwarznegger stares down condescendingly at me from the wall … (This guy's poster is a part of standard statutory equipment for all gyms in the world) "Well boss" I mentally tell him " I don’t mean competition here; I don’t exactly want to be the Governor Of California ; but maybe just slim enough to avoid the jubilant declaration of the relatives as they see me" Hey, see how much weight he has put on??"
Terminator is flanked by Stallone and he reminds me of the steely determination of Rocky and the way he goes about his training .Steely determination!!!!Thats what I’d need..
I suddenly think nothing could be as inspiring as listening to "Eye of The Tiger" (Rocky Theme) right away. I could picturize myself as Rocky Balboa sprinting up the hills and throwing 500 kg punches at the punching bag; if only I could just listen to it
But what do I have here?
Ladka badaa anjaana hai, (the speakers blare at frequency 91 FM)
I go nggggggffffhhh. up….
Sapna hai sach hai fasaana hai,
whooooosh; huffff slam down
A haa yeh pagla
Nggggggffffhhh. up….
Bilkul naa badlaa
Whooooosh; huffff , slam down and I decide that I cant get up anymore !!
From that relaxed position I decide to observe the folks around me….you can be discreet watching people if you have a wall mirror which reflects everyone around. At 10 am in the morning; the gym is not too crowded and it’s the usual suspects forming the motley group.
Well, as expected there’s that dude who works out for 5 minutes and spends the next half an hour flexing his non-existent muscles; making faces at the mirror and simultaneously parting his hair different ways. And there’s the regular bored-housewives-club of 3 who all lie down on the exercise mats grabbing that frame thingies used for situps and then mostly gossip about their mother-in-laws. (They’re also my sworn enemies who do not tolerate any change of music from the Bollywood soft romantic ones which suit their exercise routine but not mine…) And the rather horizontally challenged aunty who hogs the treadmill but does not look like she’ll be losing a milligram to show for her efforts. Not even if she’s at it for a 100 years. I've to learn determination from her! And there’s the bespectacled software guy who only does one exercise- lifts at the Lift machine; no particular reason for the affinity for it apart from the fact that it is the best spot to watch TV from.
And of course, like in every gym in the world there are the couple of gym rats (as in mall rats) ; the real musclebound studs who think they own the gym, who take turns admiring their own and then their buddies’ biceps and then walk around as if they’ve got tennis balls under their armpits!
I do a few more crunches and then collapse again in agony. I start my thinking process again. If they can call handicapped people "Differently able" cant they call "not-so-well-built" people as "Differently muscled" ??
(That’s a comforting thought; but how do I propagate this wonderful idea?)
I decide to do a few pull ups..I stand on the platform to grab the horizontal bar 9ft from ground and kick away the stool like a desperado about to hang himself. I manage 15 pull ups at one go; not bad at all- enough for the day.Took one more look at the medieval torture instruments around which pass as gym gear.
Must be getting there; I think as I step on the weighing machine. I mentally command the needle to stay in the 70s. (Note: Set low targets to avoid disappointment)
Thought of a good retort to my friend who exclaims every time he meets me
"Man !!!! you’ve put on weight!!"
"Yeah boss" I’d say "Didn’t you know??In my next movie I’m supposed to play a slightly overweight stressed out executive. I ‘m working towards looking the part"
Or as my cousin replies to the same question "You know ; you’ve to build up mass to build up muscle.i’ve almost completed building up mass. Once thru’ I’ll start building up muscle"
Not bad, eh??
Note: * Wedding- Yeah its mine and its next month :-))! Read all about how it happened, in my my next post "Bloggi Vedi Vici". I know its been lots of time since I’ve blogged. Lots of developments have happened since my last post which i guess was quite a long time ago. One, which led to the wedding mentioned above ;-) Also won a Ford Ikon in the Brand Equity Quiz and became a mini celebrity. And last but not the least; i am moving to a new job . Quite eventful time, you could say..
Hope to post more frequently! Keep visiting and do leave ur comments