Wednesday, December 21, 2005

"Phoney" Tales

I was absolutely aghast !!

From 800 odd I was way down to 55 ! The sales guy at the counter had the countenance of a Buddha which countered my rising Blood Pressure.“I’m very sorry sir , but your phonebook cannot be retrieved”The elation at owning a Sleek Black Motorazr V3 evaporated at that very moment. I had lost all the phone numbers in my mobile and without backup. Now that feels like a Van Damme kick in the solar plexus. Last time I remember a similar feeling when after I had built castles in the air about buying a car/ flat/ (no harm in dreaming,eh?) with the bonus due in a few weeks;; but when I counted the zeros in the slip I realized that it might just about pay the Electricity billTransferring phone numbers from an old phone to a new one is an easy enough procedure.

(Ok this sounds like that puzzle with 2 jars of 7 litre & 9 litre capacity which has to be filled using a bucket of 1 litre capacity)

Take an old phone with 800 odd numbers capacity ; and a new one of similar capacity; but what you use is a SIM Card of 150 phone numbers capacity.

Step 1. Copy as much data in the old phone onto the SIM card.
Step 2: Copy verything on the SIM onto the new phone.
Step 3: Erase the SIM card of all data to accommodate more numbers rom the old phone.
Step 4: Insert the empty SIM once again into the old phone and all the remaining phone numbers are copied.
Step 5: Repeat as any times depending on the popularity of the phone owner (ahem) which translates itself to the number of contact numbers in the phone.
Step 6: All numbers are now in the new phone- Fully loaded and ready to flaunt

What could possible go wrong?EVERYTHING!!! As per Murphy’s Law.It happened after stage 5 when all the numbers had been moved to the new phone and those in the old phone were deleted to keep track………………The new phone simply did not switch on!!The Sales guy tried charging the mobile but as we know artificial respiration does not always work in certain cases."Sorry sir, the chip is corrupted. The data is all gone !!" I think I have a ray of hope” Thank God I have all the numbers in the SIM …”Quite callously he pricked that hope balloon too “Sorry sir,your SIM has just some 55 numbers ; Your old phone had some 800.Sorry, but I’ve deleted all those from it, hehehe”

“Hehehe???“, i was goin grrrr........ rather

I was given a new handset which switched on and the SIM was inserted. I scrolled thru the phonebook and tried to find who was missing. Family, friends? None of the names came up …Once I had lost my Office Identity card and had faced a severe identity crisis. But this was worse.Suddenly felt so cut-off from the world. And didn’t really know who were the few who were there. Sometimes you have too generic first names like Rajesh, Arun, Praveen, Anju, Manju etc and do not recall who exactly it is in a phonebook unless you add some specification. (apologies to all Rajeshs, Aruns, Praveens, Anjus & Manjus I know)

I tried to think logically…(well that’s something like Sehwag trying to play defensive) Who were these 800 odd people I knew? Or was it something like 200 people with 3 numbers each? Still doesn’t add up!The judgemental side of my personality was laughing at my predicament all the time “Serves you right for having all phone numbers on the mobile and not taking a backup. So many times you had the chance to write it all down ; but did you??? Lazy %#$%# !!! You thought you could always scroll and call, scroll n call….Dont remember even the numbers you call everyday, do you? And after everything that has happened to your friends who rely on the scroll mechanism, you still didn't learn, did you? I remembered what he was referring to ...“
I remembered the lazy Saturday morning long ago in Mumbai when my pal V dialed the nearby Udupi hotel Landmark. (Yeah in Mumbai you can dial and home deliver anything- even Breakfast!! )And of course as it happened in such stories he dialed “Landlord “ instead of Landmark .

The conversation went such …Landlord: “HelloMy pal V: “Haan, Do Masala dosa, ek Onion Uthappam; ek Vada aur ek Chikkoo Milkshake”Landlord: “Hello, Yeh kaun baat kar rahe hai?”My pal V: “Haa likh le , 43, Sindhuvadi , Ghatkoper (West) se baat kar rahaa hoon ,Kyaa pin code bhi chahiye kyaa??? Last time jaise late kiya to paisa nahi degaa !!”As the landlord stayed in the first floor of the same building V’s ; he also happened to have the same address !!Landlord: (Angry n irritated ) Haa yeh MERA address hai, aap kaun ???My pal V (also irritated): Kaun matlab?? aap order likhaa ki nahin??After a very pregnant pause ; realization struck like the thunderbolt on Harry Potter’s forehead !!!

“Chal jaane de, mein apne aap khaana banaa letaa hoon!! “ He stammered and hung up………

Guess the landlord might have figured out the culprit; he had been having suspicions about V for some time. When another pal N opened the door and walked into the house after a haircut; V exclaimed loudly“Arre !!! baal kaat ke bahut sexy ho ke aa rahe ho?“and at the same time saw the landlord’s wife behind just climbing the stairs returning from the beauty parlour and giving him quite a glare..Well,at least he was still better off than another pal Amit who was hosting an extended home party. The booze ran out even when the revellers were just getting into the groove. Amit claimed to have the situation under control. “I’ll home deliver some more booze” (once again does it happen anywhere else but in Mumbai.that you can homedeliver booze at 11pm)

He dialled Balaji Wines ……………..

Wineshop owner: “ Haan Amit ?Amit (After a few drinks he didn’t realize the impossibility of the

Wineshopwallah knowing his name) : Half bottle RC, one Kingfisher Strong, one Fosters ….

Wineshop owner:: Yeah Amit, seems like you are having a good time. But this is BALAJI !!! Good night and have a nice weekend ..(Hangs up the phone)

Our man was appalled at the lack of customer service ; but was rather surprised at the excellent English spoken by the Wineshop owner. He checked the number once again...and froze as all the effects of booze drained out of his system !!!

He had reached his very teetotaller BOSS "Balaji Venketachalam" on his mobile (with caller id of course)!!!He had the number stored as “Balaji” and the Wine shop was “Balaji Wines“

Of course Amit did nt stick around in the same company till the next appraisal cycle and always ensured he worked for bosses who did not sound like Wineshops !!Guess i've digressed too much from the topic. Well update is that i've mailed all the friends and those relatives of mine who have heard of email. I have rebuilt most of my phonebook from scratch. I'm determined to have a phonebook backup this time; mebbe will get one of those pen drivesLike my US returned cousin confesses to me ; "I just feel like sueing someone but don’t know who!!!!"Can I sue Motorola for the phone which effectively shredded my phonebook? Can I sue the sales guy who did the transfer exercise? Should I sue Garuda Mall for housing the shop?Or should i sue myself for not having a phonebook backup?Let me know at Also incase you know me and you are wondering why i'm not calling you ; please do mail at the above id..

Now here is something i always hoped i will be able to say one day and that is “And a Merry Christmas to All my Readers“ !!

(Update : Have copied all the numbers in my phone to my PC. Feeling so tech-savvy now. Thank God for technology!!Hope my PC doesnt crash and i lose my phone at the same time!)