Monday, January 24, 2005

You want your Backside- Square or Graduation ???

Having stayed in 5 cities, 3 in Swades & 2 in England & travelled around quite a bit, i've heard versions of Queen's English as different as Masaladosas r from Fish n Chips

In the God's own Country where i hail from ; the way we say "Pop Music" would remind u more of Vatican rather than Micheal Jackson & "Coke" would remind you of a male Chicken (among other things ;-))) than Aamir Khan's Thanda Matlab........".
Ingleesh becomes the official language after the "occasional" drink ( quite so many of them) with friends & relatives. The subsequent ground shaking discussions on the political, socio-religious & economic equations of Kerala, India, Gelf & Amerikka which needs to be altered, redrawn & utopianized (new word for English??) are conducted essentially in a version of the Queen's language which might first induce her to go to her grave & then turn in it !!!Also when my friend said about a new movie "Yellow Sea" which is playing in Cochin i had in mind mebbe an Akira Kurasowa sort of art movie, till i realized he was talking about LOC with half of Bollywood in it.

Life took me to Mumbai for my MBA & from the first day i was so conscious of my so-called mallu accent. Years of methodically & deliberately stifling & mutilating this accent has worked to some extent. At least in short doses it is rather neutral but have a longer conversation & it pops out (damn..lola kutty). Another pbm was that I was at the same time learning to speak casually in Hindi at the same time. In Mumbai, Hindi n English (Actually Mumbaiyaa versions of both) are as unseparable as Siamese twins. So u've to go like this " Bai aayaa thaa, & and i told her u have to be more regular, aur woh b&#^%$ bol rahaa hai ki I've to pay 200 more, what the f... !!" .. (Well i did spent some time in my std 5 learning the difference betwn "aa rahaa; aa rahi; jaa rahaa; jaa rahi " But Mumbai taught me dont bother , be bindaas , Hindi can be gender blind too!!..hence bai aayaa thaa, gaadi aayaa thaa, train aaya that, ladki aaya thaa ) Moreover, hindi expletives at regular intervals not only makes you so sound more macho but also that u r really comfy wth the language .I noticed that second word of any Punjab-daa-puttar's casual conversation sentence is either of the two fave twin Hindi gaalis (yeah next time listen...)

Work took me abroad to the home of English & I realized that much of what i thought was good English; the Englishmen themselves havent heard of it !!! For eg: One of my friends asked our trainer "May i know your good name plz??" He responded "Well, its Pete, ..uh; dont know if its good or bad"..Later i figured that probably it was a very Indian Shubh naam which became Good name quite innovatively so. And when another of our group mentioned someone's dad expired, quite unexpected this guy burst out laughing; while I was contemplating whether this guy was a remnant of British raaj; (laughing like Bob Cristo over the death of a native in aBollywood movie) he told us that for them it is usually loans n mortgages that expires which is a rather happy occasion !!!

And in the same UK trip once there was this friend of mine who suddenly screamed "Right Here" to the London cabbie and Screeeechhh....... he slammed the brakes right there. She said "no ,not here" and the cab started again & once again she screams "Right here" ...So he braked right there ..Both were confused & this "Right here" & "Screeecchh" went on a couple of times till someone else sort of explained that "Please take a right turn" is what she had in mind !!!

Back in India after Bangaloring a few jobs from the UK ; i heard a totally different tongue; a very Bangalorean English; which went like "Dont put-tu your slipper-u in the mud-du"or an exasperated" What-and-all do i have to do, aayo amma" ; a very curious" What it seems, what it seems???" ; or a questioning "I've to do it-aaa or u'will do it aaaa???"

But nothing could beat the barber who was giving me a haircut & asked me how the hair should be cut..(A round cut or a sloping cut ) "Sir, you want your backside square or graduation " ???!!!!

God save the queen !!Serves her right for spreading the language so indiscriminately

6 comments:

soorajabraham said...

Man...youre great...I knew you had it in you..but this beats everything...seriously think you should put it to print...you have enough stuff to let Rowling hit the bottle...edey...congrats...keep the good work up...and this is solid, unpolluted, genuine appreciation and kudus

flaashgordon said...

# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
silverine
Brilliant! Ur insights are amazing and narration fluid as greased lightening and......so damn funny:)
Posted @ 5/27/2005 11:23 AM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Akii
Nice Blog.... had a good laugh while reading... Keep it up... : - ))))
Posted @ 5/10/2005 2:53 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
archie
nice blog...had a hearty laugh abt the accents since I also hail from "Gods own land"!!!!
Posted @ 5/10/2005 1:05 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
flaash
thnxx everyone !!Am in the middle of another B'lore blog ; currently titled "Driving & Surviving in Bangalore"..

Stuck midway due to lack of inspiration :-(((( aka Blogger's Block


Posted @ 5/8/2005 11:23 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
talktome
2 good .... I loved the lucid style of writting.... and had a good laugh too.....
:-))...2 good!!!
Posted @ 5/5/2005 9:41 AM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
oshin
gud even..fg...srry ist time readin ur post...anthr banglorean...welcme pal...nice & funny...kit...
Posted @ 5/4/2005 5:48 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ?
Guess
nothing abt "namma bengaluru" kanglish errr english also ok?! grrr :D
Posted @ 5/4/2005 3:28 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ?
Guess
:)
Posted @ 5/4/2005 11:33 AM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ?
shalz
this was a howlarious post!really enjoyed reading it.
Posted @ 5/4/2005 12:18 AM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Flaashgordon
Thnxx a million Angelzfear...i'm really now getting addictd to accessing my blog and reading the comments over n over again ;-))

Its the first time i'm attempting writing and its gr8 to hear all the positive feedback from u all

cheers n thnx again
flaashgordon

Posted @ 5/3/2005 11:08 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
AngelzFear
man,u r providing some of the best humor here on o3.

keep it up.... :-)
Posted @ 5/3/2005 9:31 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
flaash
Sure, idiot (guess i can call u tht ; un-offensively)

English has adapted from lots of languages; right from Swahili to Malayalam...and tht's wot makes it such a powerful & such a universal language..

And none can ever dictate how a language is to be spoken; esp English - despite the variations; the accents; its still the same language and understood worldwide.

My blog; of course was attempted situational humour ;-))

Posted @ 5/3/2005 3:26 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Sunny
Flaash....Have planned on moi next post already...one to stimulate the grey cells of my o3 pals!!....To be posted after my last exam on Thursday!...But after that, will try n make u guyz laff!! :))
Posted @ 5/3/2005 1:07 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
idiot
the more a languag3e adapts, the more it grows
Posted @ 5/3/2005 12:58 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
flaash
Hi Sunny gal ;

Saw ur last post n thot u only deal with serious issues; but then found ur archived blogs..n they were simply hilarious!!

Do write more of those funny ones..there r many people to write on issues etc
Posted @ 5/3/2005 12:53 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Ding Chak
Nice post

Posted @ 5/3/2005 11:12 AM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
crap
thats real crazy shit....lol ...hats of to us indians !
Posted @ 5/3/2005 12:24 AM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Sunny
Flaash....Thou can read n comment in my blawg too, as & when time permits!
Posted @ 5/2/2005 4:22 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Sunny
Flaash....Me dun it!!...Reading & commenting on all posts!!....& they were all uniformly brilliant & scintillating reads!! :))
Posted @ 5/2/2005 4:20 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
flaash
Hi thnx amar and xxx for ur comments..

And sorry Sunnygal; somehow Sunny sounded very macho to me;-)) Do go thru my other posts too and comment

cheers
Posted @ 5/2/2005 1:53 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Amar
great job dude. nice post. keep it up
Posted @ 5/2/2005 12:56 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Sunny
Flaash....Errr....me not machaa....me Sunnygal!! & thanx for the kind comment about my blog!!...Cheers!! :))
Posted @ 5/2/2005 12:46 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
xxx
this was actually funy dude, keep it up
Posted @ 5/2/2005 12:26 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
xxx
Nice post!...
Posted @ 5/2/2005 12:00 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
flaash
Thnxx machaa..really bahut mishtake kiyaa!

thts how we take revenge for 150 yrs of British rule..

Btw liked ur blog a lot

cheers
Posted @ 5/2/2005 10:18 AM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Sunny
Flaash!....Nice post!...Read thru' thine earlier ones too!...Kutti, nee sherikki paranyay....God bachhaye Rani ma ko!!...Yahaan-wahaan, saare jahaan Englees ko phailake bahut mishtake pannina avanga!! ;-p
Posted @ 5/2/2005 8:29 AM

flaashgordon said...

Moving all the comments i received on this post from o3 to blogspot

# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
silverine
Brilliant! Ur insights are amazing and narration fluid as greased lightening and......so damn funny:)
Posted @ 5/27/2005 11:23 AM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Akii
Nice Blog.... had a good laugh while reading... Keep it up... : - ))))
Posted @ 5/10/2005 2:53 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
archie
nice blog...had a hearty laugh abt the accents since I also hail from "Gods own land"!!!!
Posted @ 5/10/2005 1:05 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
flaash
thnxx everyone !!Am in the middle of another B'lore blog ; currently titled "Driving & Surviving in Bangalore"..

Stuck midway due to lack of inspiration :-(((( aka Blogger's Block


Posted @ 5/8/2005 11:23 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
talktome
2 good .... I loved the lucid style of writting.... and had a good laugh too.....
:-))...2 good!!!
Posted @ 5/5/2005 9:41 AM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
oshin
gud even..fg...srry ist time readin ur post...anthr banglorean...welcme pal...nice & funny...kit...
Posted @ 5/4/2005 5:48 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ?
Guess
nothing abt "namma bengaluru" kanglish errr english also ok?! grrr :D
Posted @ 5/4/2005 3:28 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ?
Guess
:)
Posted @ 5/4/2005 11:33 AM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ?
shalz
this was a howlarious post!really enjoyed reading it.
Posted @ 5/4/2005 12:18 AM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Flaashgordon
Thnxx a million Angelzfear...i'm really now getting addictd to accessing my blog and reading the comments over n over again ;-))

Its the first time i'm attempting writing and its gr8 to hear all the positive feedback from u all

cheers n thnx again
flaashgordon

Posted @ 5/3/2005 11:08 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
AngelzFear
man,u r providing some of the best humor here on o3.

keep it up.... :-)
Posted @ 5/3/2005 9:31 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
flaash
Sure, idiot (guess i can call u tht ; un-offensively)

English has adapted from lots of languages; right from Swahili to Malayalam...and tht's wot makes it such a powerful & such a universal language..

And none can ever dictate how a language is to be spoken; esp English - despite the variations; the accents; its still the same language and understood worldwide.

My blog; of course was attempted situational humour ;-))

Posted @ 5/3/2005 3:26 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Sunny
Flaash....Have planned on moi next post already...one to stimulate the grey cells of my o3 pals!!....To be posted after my last exam on Thursday!...But after that, will try n make u guyz laff!! :))
Posted @ 5/3/2005 1:07 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
idiot
the more a languag3e adapts, the more it grows
Posted @ 5/3/2005 12:58 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
flaash
Hi Sunny gal ;

Saw ur last post n thot u only deal with serious issues; but then found ur archived blogs..n they were simply hilarious!!

Do write more of those funny ones..there r many people to write on issues etc
Posted @ 5/3/2005 12:53 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Ding Chak
Nice post

Posted @ 5/3/2005 11:12 AM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
crap
thats real crazy shit....lol ...hats of to us indians !
Posted @ 5/3/2005 12:24 AM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Sunny
Flaash....Thou can read n comment in my blawg too, as & when time permits!
Posted @ 5/2/2005 4:22 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Sunny
Flaash....Me dun it!!...Reading & commenting on all posts!!....& they were all uniformly brilliant & scintillating reads!! :))
Posted @ 5/2/2005 4:20 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
flaash
Hi thnx amar and xxx for ur comments..

And sorry Sunnygal; somehow Sunny sounded very macho to me;-)) Do go thru my other posts too and comment

cheers
Posted @ 5/2/2005 1:53 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Amar
great job dude. nice post. keep it up
Posted @ 5/2/2005 12:56 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Sunny
Flaash....Errr....me not machaa....me Sunnygal!! & thanx for the kind comment about my blog!!...Cheers!! :))
Posted @ 5/2/2005 12:46 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
xxx
this was actually funy dude, keep it up
Posted @ 5/2/2005 12:26 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
xxx
Nice post!...
Posted @ 5/2/2005 12:00 PM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
flaash
Thnxx machaa..really bahut mishtake kiyaa!

thts how we take revenge for 150 yrs of British rule..

Btw liked ur blog a lot

cheers
Posted @ 5/2/2005 10:18 AM
# re: You want your Backside square or Graduation ???
Sunny
Flaash!....Nice post!...Read thru' thine earlier ones too!...Kutti, nee sherikki paranyay....God bachhaye Rani ma ko!!...Yahaan-wahaan, saare jahaan Englees ko phailake bahut mishtake pannina avanga!! ;-p
Posted @ 5/2/2005 8:29 AM

G U R U said...

Buddy, that was a hilarious post !! Especially the "turn right here" part, man am still laughing out loud...

you have an interesting blog..I've bookmarked your page..will keep visiting !

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