Tuesday, January 25, 2005

The Suitable Bride BPO

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher

Socrates (469 BC - 399 )

Got to say that Cupid, he never got it right. He struck me quite often, but doing half a job usually worse than doing nothing at all. Coz he conveniently bypassed whoever i wanted him to strike on my behalf. And whenever there was that spark of interest from the other side; he never really intervened to keep it on & build it into a roaring fire... Guess his profile was meant to be just of a Business Development Manager ; his job description did not include a Relationship Manager role . Well i can understand if it's that, but got to say he is not a remarkable success in the first profile either !!!

And time flew by; and I was often still in the list of those dreading Valentine's Day, New Years Eve & any other "I-should-be with-my-Girl friend" sort of times.

They say Something's gotta give; and lo behold; it happened for me too. i met someone really wonderful at my office. Thank god for Diversity Policy of the company !! She was gorgeous, intelligent, had an amazing sense of humor (& more importantly thought the same about me) in short just great, soon we started talking.. & then couldnt stop.

We used to be with each other all the time. Sometimes a jog in the mornings; maybe meet up for lunch; chat on office messenger between work and again talk an hour every night after she got home. Every moment so scintillating we couldn't really bear to be apart from each other for too long.The times we went out on weekends; have to say i did enjoy the envious stares of those nerdy "girlfriend-less" types;-)

And thus we decided to get married ............................................... Well, as per plan ; she's now married; though i'm yet to :-((

And so where i've mentioned earlier "We decided to get married"; well :-((( it was not really to each other. She decided to get married to that long term fiance & i decided to get married to whoever destiny had intended for me. As Dil to Pagal Hai would have me believe "There's someone in the world meant just for you". Oh yeah; Just like Liz Taylor had Nicky Hilton, Micheal Wilding, Mike Todd, Eddie Fisher, John Warner & Larry Fortensky all meant for her !!! (Quizzing expects you remember all 7 husbands of Liz Taylor; maybe she doesnt remember all herself)

I had nightmares of becoming a male version of Bridget Jones in about 7 odd years !! Still single & updating my diary on the alcohol units consumed & calories added on. But this being Swades you usually have parents waiting patiently for u to be of marriageable age. Also in my case 2 married sisters, 18 pairs of Uncles n Aunts,about 45 first cousins, 100s of second cousins & millions of myriad relatives all over the world !!

So one day my dad informed me that they 're launching the The Suitable Bride project.

Project objective: Just get N MARRIED asap

Expected date of project completion: Latest End 2005

Scope : Use all the available resources at hand* to find a suitable bride

(Available Resources: 2 married sisters, 18 pairs of Uncles n Aunts,about 45 first cousins, 100s of second cousins & millions of myriad relatives all over the world !! )

Divine Intervention: Might be Essential, Special Novenas , offerings etc to ensure same The first Project Discussion meeting went on like this

Me: Ok, I will get married for sure , but you know wot, I intend to find "The One" myself ; there's no need of anyone else doing it....

Dad: Fine; but of course u dont really have the time for all that; being busy at work n all, do u ? Look at all the resources at OUR disposal??Can you beat that??We will just help you in your search; shortlist candidates for your approval

Me: Well...am not really convinced this will work...

Dad: Consider this like your BPO thingie; u dont have time;we have plenty, so just imagine u have outsourced this task to us !!!

Aaha!!! Now it made sense to me !!!! Like a 3rd party BPO; a company outsourcing non-core activities to an outside vendor which having better resources to perform the task can do it better. I had not thought of it this way..Well, though i'd not really like to admit that finding a girl is not my core competency, I'd to admit there was some logic in outsourcing)

As i couldnt give up so easily I decided to set this condition Me: " The Quality Control lies entirely with the entity which is outsourcing so I will be the final word" !! That was not really a concern for Dad and thus was launched "The Suitable Bride BPO“

Project Update : As we speak now the biggest (wo)man hunt in History is on....Newspaper ads, Shaadi Websites , (click n mortar model??)Personal references.. The entire armada of relatives have been roped in to this task...News comes thick n fast ..There's this girl: Someone's cousin's neighbour's classmate; that nice girl we saw in church(might expect a god fearing guy ;-)))... Wedding videos are scanned for perennial bridesmaids who are potential brides.. Occupants of the photo albums of matrimonial agencies smile at me (believe me these offer more choices than Jenson n Nicholson Paints catalogues)

Even little cousins are reporting nice class teachers (doesnt beat us, doesnt get angry even if i dont do homework) ...

The tsunami of profiles has begun to hit me..

A dentist??: Out of Question.. Will i have to discuss the inclination of canines and fillings to be used in molars all day??

A Vet Doctor: No way; The only animals i deal with will be on my dining table.

A Software engg: Maybe; cant escape them. They're just everywhere in Bangalore. But will i have to ask "which platform do u work on?" as a conversation opener? (I once asked a shoe polish guy at Bandra station the same question ;-))And tho' i speak English, Hindi, Malayalam, French (some German & Tamil too) wot if she can speak no language but C, C++, JAVA??Duhh!!

A fashion designer: Funky, but wot if she doesnt consider me a cool accessory for too long? Will i have to wait till i am back in vogue as retro?.

An MBA: More or less what i have in mind. But still single? Most girls who join MBA do find their life partners there (or by then). How come she didnt??And no way i'll go ahead if she is from a higher ranked Institute than mine. I'll have to go into hiding every time Business Today/ Outlook/ Business World publishes their annual Bschool rankings...

Obviously I havent found "The One" yet....I'm hopeful though ; You know what; maybe there is really someone out there......... (not talkin abt aliens here)

This story is not over yet .....So watch this space


scorpigle said...

that was a wonderful one

flaashgordon said...

Moving all the comments i got for this post from o3.

# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
wana somebody
Posted @ 12/20/2005 1:20 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Tooo goood pal. Seems like this is a real concern for most of us now. I have started to seriously think if there is any easier way to this melodrama!!!

And too add...the BPO seems fine, but you know the worst part is that parents so engrossed with their mission that each alliance that fails makes them furious and bring distress. Now their distress makes it more painful for you :-(

Posted @ 10/26/2005 6:27 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Hi Cynic

Yup, those are the scary ones! I was told by parents not to tell neone anything like i'm not too religious etc ;-))

Neway best of luck wth ur search

Posted @ 10/20/2005 5:34 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
A Cynic in Wonderland
Oh yeah the godfearing types..i am so friggin scared of people who claim they are " we have good moral values" etc...hmmmm
Posted @ 10/19/2005 10:02 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO

The complete story of the BPO is not out yet. That was just the story so far whn it was written...Lot of things hav happnd since. Enuff to fill a book. As for the one u mentioned ; well i wsnt too sure of the modern outlook part really..

And on advg...am waiting for someone to give me an offer i cant refuse ;-))

Posted @ 8/14/2005 10:53 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Too interesting and more intriguing! the whole story of your suitable bride BPO!
'ABSOLUT'merit to your writing skills!
By the way, is it your fav.brand?
Welcome to the world of advtg. Looks like you will fit the bill!
Hey, even I had identified a girl for you, remember that one working in Accenture...that one with 'modern outlook and traditional values' and the moment I said,' the kind which your mom would like' you just cut me short there...anyway, do keep us updated!
Posted @ 8/12/2005 11:52 AM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Preethe, Neo, Shwetha sorry people i'm so late in replying around here!!Hope u read this side and get my comments too

Preethe: Keep visiting my blog..i'll post atleast twice a month!

Neo: thnxx man..(deep bow) but will anyone pay to read a book on this?? hmm..worth a thot tho' I'm too self-conscious , i'll hav to bring it out under a pseudonym...heheh btw Keep bloggin and keep comin over here

Shwetha: thnx a lot..hope u read my other posts n commnent too ..btw guess I desperately need a psychologist. am at flaashgordon@gmail.com

Posted @ 8/1/2005 8:54 AM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO

Thanxx a lot Machaa, btw actually this ws my debut post..absolutely first piece of anything ever written..

The operation is still on..time is ticking!
Mom is worried; and churches around Cochin are getting richer n richer frm her donations...

ws thinking of a follow up blog...hmm mebbe a novel too hehehe y not? (but would u pay to buy a novel like tht??)

Posted @ 8/1/2005 8:48 AM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
your posts keep getting better and better...i honestly think you are meant to write bigger things like, say a novel...loved everything abt the post...reading this makes me horrified abt the grind i got to go through in a few years. good luck with Operation Suitable Bride! Hope u dont end up a philosopher...haha.
Posted @ 8/1/2005 1:01 AM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Hey.. too god! wonderfully written! It made my day on the bench( ofcoz i m a s/w prof!!) Do keep us updated with the latest on ur front of BPO!!
Posted @ 7/19/2005 12:00 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO

It' simply hilarious.
Yes,i enjoyed reading coz'i cud relate to it.I'm also suffering from the same,lost rib syndrome :-) n' also coz' of ur script dexterity.
(It's a psychologist's opinion absolutely free of charge for u)
Hoping to applaud you with more compliments ...Take care.God bless.
Posted @ 6/9/2005 6:57 PM
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amazinggggg blog dude!!...u should be writing books...i really enjoyed this blog
Posted @ 6/9/2005 2:41 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
read all your posts..
Why no entries for this week ?
when is your next post ?

Posted @ 5/31/2005 12:52 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Thanxx a lot Preethe

Nevr really expctd my blog to be a fwd and all..neway thnxx a million for all those compliments (blushing deep red)

will feel good if all the ppl who reads this also comments over here ;-))

jar o lies/bindu/su
Thnxxx a lot people

btw mail id is flaashgordon@indiatimes.com. More feedback if any can be sent to tht id

Posted @ 5/30/2005 3:53 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Know what ..
This post is now a email forward..
nice blog .. u write really well ..

Posted @ 5/30/2005 3:19 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
just too good ........ had a nice laugh ..

Posted @ 5/17/2005 6:49 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Hey Flash...one of the best I have read and boy you have talent...Any case am in the same boat as you and having the same..this piece has struck a similar chord....
Posted @ 5/17/2005 1:46 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
may be i was late in reading this, today productivity at office would be soooo low! i spent most of my time reading ur blog...amazing humor, guess most mallu's have this talent!

Posted @ 5/16/2005 4:00 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Thnks Suhasini

Ok my reply is late here ; incase u had not read the comments section of a later blog whr i mentioned u..

Guess many ppl can relate to this piece & thts y its struck a chord; not prob bcoz of writing as such ;-))

Hope i can keep getting those laughs; gives me different high!!Do keep visiting my blog & ask all those visit to put some comment or the other; +ve or -ve

(i'll remove the negative ones myself;-)

btw Auradale sounds like a dog species name


Posted @ 5/16/2005 8:23 AM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
hehehe... was in such a bad mood , had to stop work to browse the net and lo! behold! the Suitable bride BPO..
You are too good.. thanks to your blog, i think i can get back to my boring work having had a few minutes of a good hearty laugh and btw.. cdnt help but fwd this to all my colleagues... and they are still cracking their sides laughing..
You give a new meaning to the chat acronym ROFLMAO. (rolling on the floow laughing my ass out!!!) thats what half of my floor's doing rite now..
anyways thanks...
i hope you get what u r looking for (not necessarily either Dale or Aura) you'll probably find an Auradale or a Daleaura (nice name! hmm :-P) ...
Have fun in life !!!
And too bad about the serpent at 99. as you said.. so the game begins again... hope you win it big this time !!!

Su :-)

Posted @ 5/10/2005 7:45 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Gr8. This is the first or secong blog i've ever read and I'm hooked !

Posted @ 5/10/2005 2:32 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Gud One....
Keep us updated.

p.s.: have u thought of becoming a writer?
Posted @ 5/10/2005 2:01 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Flaash....thanks again for updating...on my blog....i posted comment there too...just want u to read it...

Well i too feel parents know only 10-20% of what i m....well but they r not searching or hunting its ok for me...i have to hunt n select myself...if i make right decession it would be good if bad than also i will have to deal with it....:-)

Well if u have read my previous blogs it deals with heart breaks n break ups....I been through that too...now have coped up n can SMILE back...

Flaash I wish this someone of urs says 'YES' n u come with with a happy n new post abt her n u....:-)
Well i m sure she would say 'YES'...so dont think of another heart break ..n i would suggest dont get soo much attatched with her in these initial stages that her decession would hurt u.....what u say???

My Best Wishes r with u....
Posted @ 5/9/2005 5:05 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Just means u r very nice...not nice GUY..

Wont try any french anymore
Posted @ 5/9/2005 1:28 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
UFF!! :))
i meant i do have a blog in 03!
"Tu es tres sympa "?!!! u happen to be a nice "GUY"?
u telling me u r a nice guy or u saying i happen to be a nice guy?! :))))

ps :this is the translation i got from wordreference.com! i dont know french!
awaiting to be enlightened!!
Posted @ 5/9/2005 11:49 AM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Flaash....thanks for stopping by on my blog....:-)
Well i had read ur "The Suitable Bride BPO" n came to know...well ur whole family n almost everyone is helping u out in that...while i have to do it alone....

So u didnt update us...have u found her or not......
Posted @ 5/9/2005 11:01 AM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
C'mon; i didnt expect u to say " I do" so early..There's still time for all that ...u've just read my blog :-))

btw did u mean Doordarshan; as "Door" darshan..showing me the door sort of sense..or the Hindi door meaning far??

Am a bit slow today
And well thnxx for the kind comments on my blog :-))
Tu es tres sympa

Posted @ 5/7/2005 10:12 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Flashy boy, DD=DoorDarshan !!! :)

i do! but looooooong time since i updated stuff into it! and i dont write as wonderfully as u do! :)

Posted @ 5/6/2005 12:48 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
In India, me Flaashgordon used to figure in Indrajal Comics..Along with Phantom and Mandrake

And none says "Maybe" to flaash...

btw dont u have a blog of ur own??

Posted @ 5/6/2005 12:42 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
ha ha ha ha ha ha!! mayyybeeeee! it depends!!

i remember watching flash gordon on DD as a school-goer! dont remember anymore of it though!
Posted @ 5/6/2005 11:28 AM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO

Zarkov is Flash 's best pal; a scientist.

Yeah, am trying to find Princess Aura in B'lore too...u never know where n when i might meet her.Afterall i've travelled all around space for lightyears...

Guess ; do u have the surname Ming by any chance??

Posted @ 5/5/2005 8:42 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
that makes it all the more exciting!!!
thats how all movies happen too!! hero falls for the villian's innocent,stunningly beautiful and do-gooder daughter!! :)
she is just making flash jealous by pretending that Zarkov(whoever he is!!) is sexier!!
dale hmmmmmm ..... tell her to take a walk!
so u going to try and find princess aura in namma bengaluru?! atb!!!
Posted @ 5/4/2005 3:58 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Hmm I agree Guess ; but wot do i tell Dale ??

And Aura is Evil Emperor Ming's daughter; so wont that be "Sleeping with the Enemy"

And moreover she finds Zarkov sexier!!

Confused Flaashgordon
Posted @ 5/4/2005 3:28 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Princess Aura all the way!!!! i like her! maybe ur taste will be diff though! :)
Posted @ 5/4/2005 3:16 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
A fling with Princess Aura wont hurt tho'!! Check out her too and tell me who's better

Posted @ 5/4/2005 12:47 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Guess wot??

Its actually Flash Gordon & Dale Arden. Put this entire thing as a link u get our picture 2gether

Neway thanks a lot for ur comments !!

Posted @ 5/4/2005 12:33 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
where is your "Princess Aura" ?!!
nice, interesting post!
Posted @ 5/4/2005 12:15 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
gr8 man,

"Even little cousins are reporting nice class teachers (doesnt beat us, doesnt get angry even if i dont do homework)"

it was tooooo gooooooood!!!!!
Posted @ 5/3/2005 9:26 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Flaash ;-p
Posted @ 5/3/2005 1:33 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Me too, obviously!!!Thot u'd get it from the dowry part..

And thts my mail id ;-)))
Posted @ 5/3/2005 7:45 AM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Awwww....c'mmon...was jus' kidding! ;-p
Posted @ 5/3/2005 5:42 AM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Interested !!!

Send me a snap at flaashgordon@indiatimes.com...NRIs have a hefty discount on the dowry
Posted @ 5/2/2005 4:26 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Flaash....Awesome piece of writing!!

By the way, my aunt's brother-in-law's niece's nephew has a daughter who might fit the bill!!...Interested??!! ;-p
Posted @ 5/2/2005 4:13 PM
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO
Everyones's comments
# re: The Suitable Bride BPO (Part 1) 4/22/2005 9:45 AM Mezzanine
this is awesome ..thoroughly enjoyed it ..
just a few thoughts of mine
i) never look for the right girl ..there is nothing like the right girl ..DTPH is crap ..
ii) don't be cynical ..dont ask questions like 'why is she single ? maybe she's got a problem'
iii) its a gamble ..so take it ..dont be intellectual or judgemental when deciding ..
iv) there is never a way to be sure ..sometimes it takes a lifetime to know a person ..
v) dont ponder ..just go by your gut instincts ..most of the time it works(a new management book called 'blink' or something advocates that in other matters)
vi) love is an illusion that can sometime last for a lifetime if ur lucky..marriage is more about companionship than love ..so just try to get the wavelength right ..or if possible tune it ..

# re: The Suitable Bride BPO (Part 1) 4/22/2005 10:47 AM idiot
that was funny
socrates was intelligent!
but he was a philosopher naa?
anywayz , nicely written.

# re: The Suitable Bride BPO (Part 1) 4/22/2005 11:00 AM Busybee
Funny :D & ofcourse welcome to the club.

# re: The Suitable Bride BPO (Part 1) 4/22/2005 4:33 PM downtoearth
This was very interesting to read.....
Very well written...hope u will keep us all updated....with ur The Suitable Bride BPO"......Story..:-)

# re: The Suitable Bride BPO (Part 1) 4/22/2005 5:10 PM jaded
that was pefect man..........................an absolutely fulfilling read.
though i second Mezzanine......well said.

# re: The Suitable Bride BPO (Part 1) 4/23/2005 8:25 AM techj
And thus we decided to get married.......................................... ..........


Well, as per plan ; she's now married; though i'm yet to :-((

222222222222222222 good....

Deepthi Nair said...

m a bit late on ur blog and more so on this post...but...boy..i have been laughing thru out!!!!!
Great Work!!!